I just came back from what will be my last 'proper' day at work, another not-so-gruelling day on the line, and a quick hosing-down of the kitchen, to end the day. I will be working on Sunday, when it is Mother's Day in the USA, but my job on that day will be mainly supplementary, as the entire kitchen staff will be present, sweating it out on the line.
Most Of the Restaurant knew I was leaving, but as I made it clear that Sunday will be my last day, I noticed a rather strange shift in the temperament of those around me. People who had not exchanged a complete sentence with me over the past four months came over to ask why I was leaving. People who I did converse with on a regular basis, fielded questions, ranging from personal to just stupid. Some of them are reproduced below, with as much fidelity as permitted by memory.
Q: Why are you going back? Do you hate white people?
A: Er, No, Not particularly.
Q:How far is India?/How long does it take to get there?
A: well, to put it simply, it is halfway across the planet/About seventeen hours by the shortest flight.
Q: Is India a rich or poor country?
A: Define 'rich' or 'poor', but in general, yes, it is what could be called 'poor'
Q: Is India Clean or Dirty?
A: Well, It is rather dirty in places, but pristine in a few.
Q: Are there roads in India?
A: Yes, in most places, but not as wide and smooth as they are here. Plus, we drive on the left.
Q: You drive?
A: Er, Yes. Cars and Motorcycles are pretty commonplace.
Q: Are you really from Pakistan/Afghanistan/Iran/Iraq?
A: . . . . . . . . . . . . . No.
Q: Do they cut off your hands if you steal something in India?
A: Well, they break each of your fingers according to the value of what you may have stolen. (A pause. Sarcasm is exposed by my laughter) no, we do not. We have an Independent Judiciary, based on the British system of Law.
Q: What language do they speak in India?
A: There are twenty-two official languages, plus hundreds of local dialects spoken across the country. Depends on what state you're in.
Q: You Middle-Easterners sure speak a lot of languages, don't you?
A: Um, India is not located in the part of the world known as the Middle east. India is in South Asia.
Q:(Surprise Question!) Were you affected by the Tsunami?
A: Yes, Our Islands were terribly hit, as well as the eastern coast. I used to live quite deep inland.
Q: Does everybody have 3 wives?
A: Not that I know of. It's technically legal for certain sections of society, but nobody really marries 3 wives.
Q: Are you married/Do you have children?
A: HELL NO!!
Q: Will we ever see you again?
A: Never.
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Yeah...hm. Americans are reticent, we like to try and mind our own business. It's often considered rude (incredibly rude) to ask these questions up front. I imagine you were probably quite the mystery man to people there, just as I'm something of an enigma here.
Questions I get all the time (i.e., at least once a week):
-- Why would you come to India? (Because sometimes you want to learn something that's unfamiliar)
-- How can you leave your family? Do you miss your family? How often do you speak to your family? How many times have you visited your family in the last year? Do you have a broken family? (I needed to do something for myself; I miss my family terribly, and yes, they miss me too; I speak to my mother about once a week and e-mail my siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents just about every day; I haven't been back to the U.S. in more than a year; and my family may be "broken" in that my father left us when I was 10, but I have the most supportive and fabulous stepfamily a person could dream of.)
-- How old are you? Are you married? Why are you still working now that you're married? When are you going to have a child? (23; yes; I need to be financially secure independent of my husband; probably not for a few years, and I would much prefer to adopt than to give birth)
-- What do you eat? What is your staple diet? Do you like Indian food? Do you like spices? (Khana; in the U.S., there's not really a "staple" like wheat or rice like there is here, but when in India, a prefer to eat mostly rice-based meals; I like a lot of spice)
-- Do you speak Hindi? How do you communicate? Why don't you speak more Hindi? Are you slow? (Thoda, thoda; I smile a lot; it's difficult to pick up a large Hindi vocabulary when most of the people you work with speak English all day or speak in vernacular languages -- primarily Punjabi or Bengali; I'm not slow, I'm just dealing with a lot)
Etc., etc., etc. As annoying as the questions can be, I feel sort of beholden to answer them to avoid Americans being perceived as aloof and horrible; that said, if I have to describe some of the incredibly intimate things any more (particularly regarding my family, which is an intensely private subject for me), I might scream. I just don't think people necessarily have any reason to be particularly informed about the rest of the world -- if you were to live your life in Patiala, had a job and a family and didn't aspire to move to the city or anything, why should you know or care about the West? The same goes in the U.S. Even though I'm in India, my family has a hard time conceptualizing how the subcontinent fits into their world view. But if confronted with something from another place, it's natural to be curious. It may come off as inappropriate or obnoxious, but it's human nature, I guess, and they may never have been exposed to an Indian-from-India before; at least they're getting a real answer from you, rather than parrotting uninformed platitudes for the rest of their lives.
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